The Cliff

I've been on this road for awhile now. Trying to live two lives. There's the life that I imagine for myself at some point in the future. There's not a day goes by that doesn't find me thinking about it, picturing what it will be like, longing for it. Then there's the life I actually live. It's good, respectable, and most of the time I actually find myself enjoying it. On some level, I knew that the day would come when I'd have to choose.

Do I chase the awesome but admittedly crazy dream, or do I grow up and settle for an easy, peaceful life?

I've been inching closer for a good portion of my life so far.

And finally, I find myself at the edge of a metaphorical cliff with two options.

I can jump off, knowing that I'll have to fall through all of my deepest fears and way, WAY out of my comfort zone. But if I find that I can fly, the payoff would be huge. I could become all I've always felt I was meant to be.

Or, I can walk away. I'll be safe, comfortable, stable, maybe even moderately happy. But I'll never know whether I ever had a chance at my dream. I'll never know whether I could fly.

I've known the time to make this decision would eventually come ever since I realised that the life I pictured is highly improbable. I've always thought that I would make the brave decision and go for it anyway. And now everything in me is telling me the time to make that commitment is now. But I'm terrified. I know that this is a risk that I need to take, but something keeps pulling me back.

It's the craziest thing to know exactly what you want, and what the next step to getting it is, but being afraid to do it. It's like being paralyzed.

Not that this is something meant to be interesting to read. I just needed to think through some things, and writing is a way for me to do that. Sorry to have wasted your time if you were expecting to read something excellent.