This is Why I Shouldn't Blog when I'm Tired.

For all the years I've spent hanging around me, you would think I'd know me better.

But the more I think about it, the more apparent it's becoming that this is not the case.

I think about what I actually know about myself and if I'm honest, it's not a lot. I know that I like to please people way too much. I know that at some point a long time ago, I actually felt good about my chances at succeeding at life in some way, and I know that now I struggle not to let pessimism hold me back almost every day.

As for the goals that I used to feel so sure I'd accomplish one day, I barely know what they are anymore. What's worse is that for all my uncertainty, I'm almost positive that wherever I do find success, I'll wish for something else once I get there. I can already see that happening in my life now. And the fact that I know how little focus I have terrifies me.

I've always said that I don't care about money so much as living my passions, and I still feel that way, but it's easier said than done when you hardly even know what you want out of life. I just wish I could get my priorities together long enough to get some sort of plan in line for my life, somewhere where I can focus my energy without feeling so doubtful all the time.

If I could just get that...I could go from being kind of okay at lots of things to being really good at whatever it is I need to be good at...and if I could just go to bed, maybe I wouldn't be posting depressing "nobody understands me" teen angst on the internet. But here I am, I guess. Sucks. Just sucks.